Never Ask Axel For Advice
by One-Winged-Rose-of-Wutai
Summary: Roxas needs help telling Xion he likes her so he asks his best pal Axel... but that might not have been such a good idea. First Fanfic ever so please read and review.


I don't own anything.. but I wish i did.. as do many others.

Once upon a time there was a boy… a blonde boy… a spikey haired blonde boy.. And this spiky haired blonde boy was a nobody. What is a nobody you may ask… well a nobody is a person with no heart… Why they aren't called heartless no one knows. But that's not part of this story… anyways back to the boy.. This boy's name is Roxas. And Roxas is in a secret group called Organization XIII. And Organization XIII is trying to regain their hearts,, but once again that isn't part of the story…..anyways.. ONWARD!

Roxas awoke one morning to a massive explosion which could mean a couple of things 1. Xigbar had scared Vexen again while he was working on one of his "highly important potions". 2. Axel was playing with Larxene's fingernail polish remover again (Which is highly flammable in case you didn't know that) 3. Demyx was trying to cook again.. Or 4. Saix had gotten made and thrown someone through the wall…again. But Roxas put his money on Xigbar because he was always causing trouble.

Roxas crawled out of his bed and put his super cool cloak on and went to the gray room to await his mission. On his was he ran into his best pal Xion (Now Xion considered him her best pal but Roxas considered Xion as his girlfriend, but she didn't know that so lets keep that little tidbit from her). "Hey Roxas did that explosion wake you too?" she asked sweetly….. Roxas just stared at her for a couple of moments before realizing she had asked a question and since questions usually mean you would like an answer he responded with the deep answer of "Yes". "You sure are acting weird today, is something wrong Roxas?". Now Roxas was in a tough spot he didn't want to lie to Xion because Axel said you should never lie to friends but he didn't want to tell her the truth either so he did the only plausible thing that came to his mind. He ran away super fast. "Idiot" Xion said aloud as she continued walking to the gray room.

Roxas ran as fast as his smallish legs would carry him right around the corner and right into something .. Or someone and they both crashed to the floor. "What in the Skadoodle are you.. Oh hey Roxas." said the mass of black leather…as Roxas tried to get untangled from his cloak Axel jumped up and started recording on his phone.. It was highly funny to watch someone get lost in their own cloak. After about a minute of this Axel started feeling sorry for the poor guy and helped him get himself back to unstuckness. "Oh hey Axel." the young one said solemnly. "Oh no I know that voice… What's wrong Roxas?". "Well I kinda need some girl advice." as soon as Roxas had finished Saix walked around the corner.. "And why would you need girl advice? We have no hearts so therefore you need to girl" … Roxas looked down sadly.. And Axel stomped Saix's foot.. Hard…. They glared at each other briefly before Saix stormed off. Axel patted Roxas awkwardly on the back and said to him. "Come on Roxas and I Shall educate you and the strange being that is the girl."

Axel then started to educate Roxas… "Ok Roxas, the first thing you should know about girls is that they are nothing like us guys. They are moody, complex and sensitive creatures. Say I was to say Roxas your hair looks stupid, you would just rub it off and go about your business.." Axel stopped talking to look at Roxas who's eyes were feeling with tears…. 'You think my hair is stupid? You wanna know how long it takes me to achieve this?"… "Roxas it was an example and you're not supposed to care what I say. You're not a girl and thus you shouldn't care." Roxas tilted his head to the side "Huh?"… "Never mind lets move on, girls love presents. So buy her a gift, but not a stupid gift because then she will be disappointed and not a big gift because she'll think your moving too fast". By now Roxas was highly confused and he voiced his confusion the best way he knew how.. "I'm confused.".. Axel rolled his eyes dramatically "You're hopeless…wait a minute I have an idea." with this statement he ran dramatically out of the room.

When Xion arrived in the gray room she toke notice that no one was there other than Zexion who was sitting on a couch reading. She walked over and sat beside him. "Good morning XIV how are you today?" he asked without even looking up. "Kinda weirded out actually." "And why is that?" "Well Roxas just randomly ran away when I asked him a question and I haven't seen him again since" "Perhaps he is ill and had the sudden urge to puke everywhere." Xion laughed quietly at this "It's funny how little emotion you use when you talk and yet you say funny things all the time." Zexion smiled slightly behind his wicked awesome hair, he opened his mouth to respond when Xion put a finger on his lips "Don't give me none of that no hearts= no emotion crap"…Zexion chuckled slightly "I wasn't even going to say that. But if you want me to I will." he responded with a smirk. Xion punched him in the arm. "Xion no hitting other members, save your rage for the heartless." Saix said angrily as he stormed in. "Fun's over apparently." Zexion whispered to Xion who giggle cause Saix to glare evilly in their direction. "Just get over here and get you mission reports and get out of my sight." Xion snatched her mission report from his hands and portalled to wherever she was supposed to be today. While Zexion went back to his reading… "Someone didn't get their coffee today" he thought to himself.

Axel came back into his room and dropped for large books in front of Roxas.. "Here educate yourself" he announced proudly.. "These are books about girls?" Roxas asked flipping through the book. "Nope.. They are books about what girl want in a guy. They are called the Twilight series and apparently all girls love Edward Cullen.. So as long as you do everything like Edward Xion will like you.. Unless of course she's team Jacob.. Then we could have a problem."… Roxas just stared at the shear size of all the books.. "Axel.. You know I don't like reading right?" .. "Oh I know I also printed out the Edward Cullen article off wikipedia you can just read that." Axel responded with a big smile. "Then why did you bring me these books then?".. "Oh I haven't burnt anything in a long time and I decided that twilight deserved it." He said with a manic look in his eye. Roxas then scooted as far away as he could as Axel started a bonfire with the books.

After watching Axel burn books Roxas started reading the Edward Cullen article but was confused immediately . "Axel….what's a vampire?" Axel sucked in air dramatically and stared at Roxas with wide eyes.. "You don't know what a vampire is?.. What else do you not know about?..BACON?" "I know what bacon is you idiot." Roxas said slightly annoyed curious as to how anyone could think that someone didn't know what bacon was.. The nerve. "Ok good just making sure you weren't a complete idiot… anyways a vampire is a creature that looks like a human but eats only blood."… "Ok?.. And girls like that? A once again confused Roxas asked. This made Axel cock his head to the side and respond "Apparently, I told you girls were weird."

Xion returned from her mission several hours later tired and hungry so she portalled to the Kitchen That Held Food For Us To Eat Even Though It Usually Didn't Have Anything Good To Choose From (That was the last room in the castle they allowed Xigbar to name). She started looking through the cabinets for something to eat when a bee flew out of one of them. She started running around trying to kill it when she ran into Zexion. "Oh hey Zexion." She said as she was flapping her arms around trying to kill the bee. But Zexion having not seen the bee thought she was crazy or had invented a pretty awesome dance. "Xion what are you…" "Zexion don't move." she said very seriously as she summoned her keyblade. The bee had landed right on Zexion's head. And Xion not being extremely bright hit him with her keyblade. Zexion fell dramatically to the floor. "WHAT THE CRAP WAS THAT FOR?" he asked with rubbing his head intensely. Xion finally realizing she had just beat Zexion with her keyblade helped him up and helped him rub his head. "Haha sorry about that Zexion there was a bee on your head and I had to kill it" she said with a small smile. Zexion just looked at her then noticed the bump that was forming on his head. "I need some ice." Xion ran to the fridge and started putting some in a bag for him. She then walked over and laid the ice on his head. It was at this moment that Roxas walked in and needless to say he was not very happy.

Roxas stormed back to Axel's room and busted in. "Axel we have a serious problem"… "How serious?" "Like Xion is flirting with Zexion serious"… "Oh that's not that serious I was thinking something along the lines or Mt. Dew was being discontinued or something".. Roxas hit him on the arm "Quit joking around Axel, I'm really upset by all this.".. "Roxas don't worry about it Edward wins in the end.".. "What the crap are you talking about?".. "Twilight.. Bella briefly falls in love with Jacob but Edward wins in the end, so don't worry about it.".. "You actually read these books?".. "Yep, and I've seen the movies."… " That disturbs me Axel".. "Why they're not all that bad.. Not as good as High School Musical though." with this statement Roxas got up and walked out of the room shaking his head as he went.

As Roxas was walking down the hall he ran into Xion. "Hey Roxas where have you been all day?".. "Talking to Axel."… "About what?"… "Vampire's, Books, High School Musical and gifts…oh and bacon, one must never forget about the bacon.".. Xion gave him the "ok your crazy look".. "The truth is I asked Axel for some advice on girls."… "Ok. Why?" Roxas shifted around nervously "becauseiwantedtoaskeyouout." he responded quickly.. "What was that Roxas?".. "I wanted to ask you out".. Xion smiled shyly "ok.. Yes"…. "Yes?" Roxas was beyond confused now. "Yes I'll go out with you" Xion responded sweetly. Roxas grinned a very huge grin and the two started discussing where they would go. As they were talking Axel ran past running looking worried. "What was that about?" Xion asked. 'I don't eve want to know." Roxas responded. At that moment Marluxia ran around the corner screaming "How dare you burn my Twilight books you fire loving freak! I fill you room so full of poisonous plants you won't know what hit you.".. Xion looked from Marluxia to Roxas and back again… "What's Twilight?" she asked curiously… Roxas looked at her seriously and said.. "You don't even want to know."

The End

My first Fanfic ever so please review... and be honest I can take it.


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